74. Notes - today + hypnosis sessions notes: 1984

74. 13 March 2019

       Mid-afternoon. Two days ago your Word program crashed. You tried fixing it yourself to no avail. This morning you took the MacBook to Polaris Apple and the technician did a full diagnostic, found and corrected a couple errors. He could not fix Word so this afternoon you took the MacBook to Easton Microsoft and the technician trashed all Microsoft and uploaded a new full Microsoft package. Word now works. No charge by either Apple or Microsoft. The Word program looks and feels newer than the old though both are 2016 programming. - Amorella

       1546 I caught a break from writing because as it was I could not open any Word document. I could have used Apple's Page software which I have on my machine, but honestly, I forgot about it. My focus was on getting Word fixed or replaced. Maybe I wore out the old software, who knows. :-) 

       You have section three of Chapter Two to revise, but first check out your mail. - Amorella

       

       1628 hours. The first thing I saw on the news was that the plane Kim and Paul were to fly to Chicago on tomorrow, was just grounded by the President. I called her immediately and we were both pleased. Next, I checked my old blog encountersinmind and saw the biggest hit today was from back in 2013. It is partially about my hypnotic sessions. I forgot I even had these in my notes. I decided to include them here in the new blog also because it is best description I have about those sessions. They even mention the rabbi who never was (as far as I know).

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24 AUGUST 2013

 

Notes - Working the day / Full Notes of 1984 Hypnosis Sessions Found

         1629 hours. I have been reading over documents in the "Soki Material" folder for the unwritten book four in 2007 (when I was working on the original book three, Merlyn's Mind. There is lots of stuff in here, the real surprise are the notes from my hypnotic sessions. 

         Now would be a good time to update the blog on the hypnotic sessions. Drop them in here, read over them carefully and post. - Amorella

         1728 hours. I cannot remember when I typed up the original handwritten notes of those sessions but I am assuming it is in 2007 because other documents in this folder are of that time period, and it would have been about twenty years later. 

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Notes on Hypnotic Sessions: April-May, 1984,

With Paul Payne, Ph.D. 

University of Cincinnati.

First Session: April – only preliminary discussions and background information

Second Session: [Three o’clock] 10 April

You are getting quieter, into yourself. [Dr. Payne talking in bold]

1. Find a space to look at as you outstretch your right arm. Balloons are holding it up in your own time.

A visual flows away the tension until the eyes take on the tension to let them flow away; then the eyes move to the back of the head, then down

2. Your body fits into [becoming] the chair

3. The weight of cement blocks on your arms, which feel quite heavy

4. Fingers are asleep after which hand goes to sleep

5. Visual of ‘swirling: like raw red meat going down two tubes

6. Visual of a seashore – green water, and I am underwater snorkeling -- You don’t really need to heed what I say. Let yourself relax in your own time, in your own way.

7. I can taste the salt water; I really can taste it [Out of light trance]

8. In trance:  This time I am sitting on a couch with a skinny me on one side of the couch, and a normal me on the other. This was very realistic. I was not thinking about the fat and skinny I was thinking about how it is to be two places (in my mind) at the same time. [Out of light trance]

9. In deeper trance. Visual of a blank globe – my mind is elsewhere, an alternate universe > a visual abstract of nothing until it appears that ‘more’ is in the still nothing -- I am constantly aware and learning

10.  a. ready to be coming out                                    

       b. beginning to come out

       c. coming out slowly                                                

       d. almost out, ready to open eyes

       e. okay, open your eyes            

Dr. Payne asks, "What is your reaction?"  It is interesting, quite interesting.

Another much deeper trance to begin: Okay, back into it.

Okay, you are relaxing --

            The colors appear quickly this time

Go back to an early time --

            I think perhaps the seashore, but I am in the Middle East. Ancient classical Greek buildings. I see an old man with a staff.

What does he tell you about eating?

            I think [I do not visualize him] he says: “Don’t listen to your body. Your body should not eat.” [I am conscious of an outside voice.]

            The inner voice says, “Walk. Have good eating habits”  “That will protect your body.”

Okay. Go back a hallway of memories, a hallway with doors on both sides. [These vividly appear in my mind: Light walls with oak doors and brass doorknobs.] Go to an early memory. Stand outside the door. Think about how old you are. Go back to ten or eight. [I am already three.] When you are ready, raise a finger.

            This trance is much more real, like living in a virtual world. [I travel down a hallway two or three feet above the floor. Quickly I go; then very quickly.]

How old are you?

            I put up three fingers (I don’t believe I did that, but I did.)

Observe the setting as you open the door.

            I am at Grandma Orndorff's [at 103 West Walnut Street]. There is a party and we are ready to eat. Uncle Ernie, Aunt Patsy, Mom and Dad and Grandma and Popo [my name for my grandfathers]. It is just like real. It is real.

            Things are confusing. All these big people are moving around. Dad is home from the Army? It is confusing.

Describe it. 

            We are getting ready to eat. I feel uneasy. I do not feel good about the situation. There is something disturbing in the dinner; something about my father. I am anxious about him or the dinner situation. I am uncomfortable with my father there at the table. The house and the people are just there. Still and moving objects. Grandma has on a gray or olive dress. There is little or no conversation. As usual, I was quiet too. We were heading for the dining room from the living room when I left to come back. 

I talk to Dr. Payne. [my voice sounds quite different and from my back left. I sound like Donald Duck’s voice] I am shocked by this sound but continue talking. 

Do we want to leave?

            No. It is confusing, but I want to stay. When I came in I walked in from the west wall under the fourth or fifth step (of the steps leading upstairs. I heard a growling inside my head.

Okay. Come out and close the door when you are ready.

            [I linger] then I come back

Okay. You will remember what you want and keep buried what you don’t want to remember.  1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 

Aftermath of Second Session.            

I come out. Unbelievable! The mind is so powerful.  [it is four-twenty in the afternoon]

            First: I said, “We’ll see ya,” as I left his office. Driving home from the session my left hand covered my mouth the whole way. I am excited (positively) about being hypnotized and quite disturbed by it too. I think, ‘It is not good to be hypnotized. Some things should not be understood.’ this statement runs through my mind. 

            Later: I had two helpings of food at supper, plus two pieces of cheese and I felt better. That night as I went to bed there was an uneasy tension in my head, a kind of ‘growling’ outside of me. 

            At three in the morning I wake up talking with my muse saying, “We’ll go do this.” As I head down the hallway. My head is confused, as it was during the session. ‘When three I felt I was not in sync with other people. I can’t communicate to other people. They don’t care to really listen. My imagination is wilder than usual. I never have understood what is real and what is not. This doesn’t help. [These are my reactions from 0300 to 0430 hours that next morning, the 11^th of April.]

            [Reaction at 0630 hrs. same morning.] “Anyone who thinks he knows what reality is, is quite mad.” 

Memory one. 

My parents think there is something wrong with me. They want to send me away. I hear them talking with Grandma about why I like to sit in the closet by myself when I am four or five years old.

Memory two.

I picked pennies off the wall and put them in a jar. [I remember that. I can still visualize the pennies.] They were real to me. I took the jar, full of pennies and headed uptown to buy ice cream or a milk shake. Mom stopped me on the corner of Park and Knox and said, “There are no pennies in the jar.” [I remember her saying it in the tone of ‘playtime is now over.’ We walked back to the house. I was not upset.]

Memory three. 

My father just talked to me about something. My father thought I was crazy. I wasn’t though. I just liked to pretend a lot. I still (in my forties) like small rooms, closets. I can get a hold of myself in a small room. It helps to keep me together; it helps to keep the pieces together. 

Memory of the hypnotism. 

I am blue-gray and pushing sideways out. My brain is gray and behind my face (only) a bubble encloses me to my ears. The center, my center is empty, but imperfectly empty.

The raw red meat (myself or my thoughts are like chewed raw red meat) is/are  put through two parallel vortexes and swallowed up. The chewed up meat goes clock-wise in the left vortex and counter-clockwise in the right vortex. 

Dr. Payne then ordered two EEG’s; one in the hospital and another twenty-four hour monitor. Also, he ordered one or two brain scans. Nothing reported abnormal to me other than a technician monitoring an EEG said I had a glitch in the left temporal lobe. Dr. Payne found nothing abnormal enough for further consultations. He thought I was interesting because I could get into deep hypnosis so quickly. Personally, I thought I was going to be too stubborn to be hypnotizable. 

Session Three:  April 84.

Drawing one. I am looking at an eight and a half by eleven sheet of unlined paper. I will go down the paper from top to bottom explaining what I sketched with a blue ink pen. 

            1. two eyes, narrow slits, big dark pupils

            2. three arms  with three fingers each; one on the left (fingers towards center of page; and two on the right (fingers towards the center).

            3. a three dimensional glass rectangular box with arms extended on either side of it. And a heavily drawn circle drawn inside on the right in the box.

            4. half way down on the page another arm on the right with fingers extended towards the center just beneath the box

            5. two eyes at the center of the page as above as in the first drawn            

            6. one large eye that extends from one side of the page to the other and is about an inch in height in the middle with one large eyeball with a diamond shape within the roundness of the large pupil

            7.  one eye slightly to the right of center

            8. two eyes centered with about two and a half inches between the two, then I wrote: “Lots of light. Lots of eyes,” in the bottom right hand corner of the page.

Drawing two. Title: “Monster”  [The arms (with no hands or fingers) reaching to the incubator]

An outline of an arm in a white-coat [looking at it from the top] about two and a half inches long and an inch wide, rounded on the top and the bottom is straight across. The angle is about forty degrees down and in towards the center of the page. On the other side is the same loaf-like appearance, rounded on the top and the bottom is straight across, also angled in at forty degrees. 

About an inch and a half below these two appendages is a flat head with two eyes staring out at me but from upside down. A sixteenth of an inch nose (above the eyes) and a quarter inch mouth above the nose. My face is more triangularly shaped and I have two small curved lines coming out beneath the chin as shoulders. 

No other body references. No hair or ears or eyelids, eyebrows or the like. I almost look Little Green Man alien. I wrote below the sketch: “sleeves with no hands” on the left and on the right “attempt to raise head to get another perspective – very, very difficult – raised it about an eighth of an inch. Below these notes across the bottom of the page: “These flinging, moving, nonsensical white tubes of body do not control me. I control myself.”

Evening of 22 April 84 at 2050 hrs. in a self-induced intuitive drawing I create the actual size of a symbol of my ‘muse’  (most likely after my third session)

A single line slanted to the right of perpendicular about twenty degrees. The line is one and one-half inches long. From the top of this line down one-quarter of an inch is a horizontal line one-half inch on the left of the near vertical, crossing, and one-half inch on the right side of near vertical. 

A second horizontal line below the first one is down five-sixteenths further and it is three and one-half inches long. It cuts through the near vertical at one and one-fourth inches. 

A third line intersects at one inch from the top down the near vertical. This third horizontal line is three inches in length. It intersects at one and one-quarter inches from the left and there is about a quarter of an inch between the second and the third horizontal line. This symbol of crossed lines is enclosed in an oval about four inches wide and one and one-half inches high. The near vertical does not touch the oval by a sixteenth of an inch at the bottom and an eighth of an inch from the top of the oval.

For the symbol to make sense it must be enclose within the oval. That is the actual size of the symbol of my muse within my mind, looking at it from its side from my mind’s point of view.

Dr. Payne thought the incubator description may have been authentic, at least how I remembered it. Several reasons for this were, there were no corners on the incubator and the sleeves had no hands or fingers extending (a newborn would not see these), and the most interesting to him was that I already had a developed sense of ‘self’ as a head, or rather, as a neck trying to move upward. I was definitely conscious of that sensation while under hypnosis. 

Session Four: 8 May 84 Final session.

Comments and Drawing three. [After a session taking me back before birth]

I feel an alien-like sense within myself. The presence entered to control, entered to live even though I could just as easily go to another place, one as good as, better, and/or worse environment. I feel a sense of contradiction. It is interesting. Pressures are interesting as a perspective. 

I visualize white boxes next to white walls. I am lying on a cushioned oval board in the center of this small room. The box-like machines are the size of clothes washers or dryers.

Each works like this, going counter-clockwise. The first is a triangle shaped box with the point on the floor it is ‘input” moving to the next box which is above another box (all boxes are holographic-like). The flat top of the triangle box moves to the right side of the top box. The top box then moves and connects with the third, bottom box that is the “output” box.

The others use these machines. Their ‘skin’ is grayish and rough like a pine-cone. They wear no clothes. They are tall and slender and their eyes (two each) appear as a combination of the eyes of a cat and a turtle. They (there are two) have a strong sense of understanding my situation. They say nothing but their eyes have an attitude or tone of “We’ll shuffle you through. Do not worry.”

Reaction to the session and drawings:

While driving from UC to Mason on I-75 I have my hand over my mouth on the way home, until I was conscious of it, then I put my hand down. I was immediately concerned that I had conjured up my whole identity on a false premise. It was a scary statement to think about. [Strangely, even now on 24 August 2013 it is still an unnerving statement.]

The hypnosis effect was not as vivid as in the other session yet chunks of ‘things and shapes’ and uneasy feelings marked the venture -- like when I was going through no tunnel but I heard the grandfather clock ticking as I pulled it from the wall and walked into the wall to get back to the incubator. Maybe Dr. Payne spoke too fast and/or maybe I tried to get into the trance too fast. I was in trance for forty minutes for the ‘incubator’. No real monsters, no real fears afterwards. Nothing exceptional, except there was a ‘disjointedness’ a sense of being mentally able to be in two places at once. [Today, in 2013, I can still do this.]

***

            This took most of the afternoon to copy. You copied your notes religiously and made only slight changes for clarity. - Amorella (This statement and below were written in 2007.)

            I haven’t really read over these notes in a long time, and never with the purpose of copying them. The first session we just talked. The second session I saw the Greek buildings. The third was going back to three. The fourth and final session was when I ‘created’ the going back before birth somewhere deep in my mind. Dr. Payne laughed and said I probably projected from watching and reading too much science fiction in my life. 

I remember readily agreeing with him. I just thought it was an interesting experience to put my mind through. After I completed those sessions I practiced holding the string with my fingers and having a washer at the bottom of the string and a target below the washer that said Yes on the vertical line and No and the horizontal. 

I would silently ask myself questions and the string would swing yes or no or in a circle clockwise or counter clockwise both of which signified undecided. That was the beginning of the experiments that ended up with the letters to the Rabbi who wasn’t there and to Romela who in 1988 changed her name to Amorella after she Romela helped me with the first version of Stuck (published in 2001) called at the time Spice. The rest is written down. Wow, if I finish the third book in January I will have worked on this marsupial series for twenty years. 

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         I have not looked at these notes as far as I can remember since I typed them up in 2007. I found one of the sketches I drew just after hypnosis. It is on the blog, posting date: 18 September 2009.

Posting: 18 SEPTEMBER 2009: (Looking for the useable photo in my files)

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         I have made several references to the hypnotic experiences in this blog over the years. I have never forgotten how important it is to be able to but the mind in two places at once as I did the first time with the fat me on one side of the couch and the skinny me on the other; except they were both me as I am. This is the power of the mind at work. I realized it then and I recognise it now, and as before and after, my view of reality has never been the same since. This is demonstrated in my notes and my Merlyn books.  (2032)- rho

         Once more you feel freer; as you did when you first published this sketch. - Amorella

         That is because I am reminded that I understand a truth about myself, about who I am, about what it is to be human, and I can readily accept this truth and know that I am not delusional or in madness. - rho

         Post. Sleep well, orndorff. - Amorella

         Selected and edited from my encountersinmind blog.

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       You feel better including the older material here because it shows a continuity between your thinking and style in 2013 and now. Post. - Amorella