34. Notes - profound and complicated / no secrets

14 January 2019

       Mid-afternoon. You lunched at Potbelly's and are having a birthday supper at the House of Japan near Polaris Shopping at Owen's request. You received a quick note from Laney after you sent her a note "to have the best of good weeks". She replied that the new semester (Xavier) begins today - for Laney, new classes; thus, your comment is quite appropriate. You immediately wonder, "Is Laney in my heart or soul or mind? Or, does each see her differently or all the same?

       1546 hours. Indeed, my immediate thinking. I really have no way to 'measure' friendship and that is not my intent here. What I am curious about is the response of each to her being in a friendship with me to her and her to me. 

       You want to erase the "and her to me" because this can only be known by Laney. - Amorella

       1551 hours. It was a slip of thought. We feel we have a 'connection' -- I'm sure all friends feel this way about other close friends. This commentary is becoming rather awkward because I did not think it out beforehand.

       That is the reason I'm allowing it -- your immediate response was in the captured 'innocence of the moment'. - Amorella

       1558 hours. This makes me anxious because I really don't want to know what my heart and soul and mind think about the wholeness of Laney's spirit, her own heart and soul and mind. It suddenly doesn't seem morally right to know such intimacy within myself. 

       Why? - Amorella

       1601 hours. People cannot have a conscious dialogue with the intimate workings of one's heart and soul; mind, perhaps but not heart and soul.

       This is not true, boy. You knew your heart when you asked Carol to marry you. - Amorella

       1605 hours. Why do you bring up such a matter? That's different. That conversation was indirect. I answered by how I thought my heart felt, but I could not 'know' this directly. I tried to attack the question reasonably as well as emotionally. Being in love with someone does not automatically make her compatible for a lifetime partnership. 

       A long-term friendship with a member of the opposite sex does not have a legal binding, i.e. you are thinking practically with your mind. In your case you have known Laney twenty-five years; that is you have been conscious of her for twenty-five years. - Amorella

       1630 hours. Early on, we made a pledge to be friends-opposite-sex of-the-even though we were both married. We both feel it is possible. 

       Is it possible? - Amorella

       1633 hours. It has been possible for twenty-five years. 

       Yes, it has. - Amorella

       1634 hours. You know more than I, Amorella. 

       Human beings are sometimes more innocent than they think they are. - Amorella

       1636 hours. In context your comment is a profound and complicated statement.  

       We will resume this later. Post. - Amorella

       1942 hours. We had a good birthday supper. Carol is finishing a shower. I don't think I'll have time to add anything tonight. We'll no doubt relax and watch a couple of DVRed shows besides tonight's news. 

       You are apprehensive about continuing. You are rationalizing that it is improper and perhaps immoral to know what secrets your heart and soul and mind might have. - Amorella

       1949 hours. This bothers me because I think this might be how it plays out after physical death. All the secrets are out for one to see and you pray no one else will know. I think I already know some secrets already. It is not easy sitting on the limb of consciousness with the trunk of personal unknown secrets holding your very being by the roots of what you once were, human with a physical body. It is as a self-raping of one's very being. Terrifying, and one can do nothing about it except, ironically, hope to continue in an existence one way or another. I think if I were living during the process I would be vomiting my lungs out. (1959)

       You know better because an Angel will be aware -- no secrets held back. In the here and now I'll be that pretend Angel. Do you not find it strange, boy, that you don't know what all these unknown but not unknowable personal secrets are? - Amorella

       2005 hours. I think we cannot be fully spiritually knowable to ourselves until we are physically dead. 

       You are arrogant. Post. - Amorella

       2220 hours. Whom should I hear from first about my old former colleague and friend, Laney -- my heart or my soul?

       Your heart. - Amorella

       2224 hours. What does my heart have to say? 

       [My heart] says: "Joint friendship."

       [My soul] says: "Threaded friendship."

       2228 hours. These words seem without much description or emotion and therefore, to me, a letdown.

       This friendship is beyond drama. - Amorella

       2234 hours. I must have definitions. 

** **

joint -noun - 1 juncture, junction, join, intersection, confluence, nexus, link, linkage, con-nection; weld, seam

thread - noun-2 a theme or characteristic, typically forming one of several, running throughout a situation or piece of writing: a common thread 

verb[with object] • interweave or intersperse [interwoven or interspersed]

friendship- noun- the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends. • a relationship

Selected and edited from the Oxford/American software

** **

       2251 hours. The above definitions appear to show a broad outline of description.

       The above words from your heart and soul are solidified and complete. - Amorella

       2257 hours. Where are the secrets?

       There are none. Post. - Amorella

33. Notes - a series of short reflections

13 January 2019

       Earlier today, Karen and Cathy came over to help choose locations and hang most of the rest of your major works of art for walls. You and Carol are well satisfied with all of Karen's placements. Tonight, you met Kim and the boys for a DQ (their choice). Friday afternoon Brennan was admitted to Nationwide Children's downtown for a ten o'clock evening operation for an unusually large abscess built on the back of his throat near the corotated artery. He came home yesterday afternoon and will be in school tomorrow, which is also Owen's nineth birthday. Linda is up in Tiffin visiting her friend Patti but will not return until Tuesday because Kim and Paul cancelled their trip with friends to a Mexico resort this next week because of Brennan's weeklong sickness. It has been a busy time but thankfully Brennan is well on his way to a full recovery. Carol is reading in bed with Jadah on her lap and Spooky most likely under the bed. - Amorella

       2240 hours. Friday night and Saturday morning, we stayed with Owen at his house and saw him off to his first basketball game in the AM. His team won 21 to 18 for which he was duly excited. Then you took him down to Children's to be with Kim, Paul and Brennan around noon. They all left the hospital with Brennan's release mid-afternoon. 

       You are tired but are thinking about how your heart and soul and mind can speak for themselves as separate parts of the 'spiritual unit', the human spirit. Your cynical self feels you make up the separate dialogues with Amorella's blessing, so to speak. - Amorella

       2251 hours. I have no choice but to conclude this. Amorella is a part of who I am. This is personal observation but not scientifically notable. 

       In this context the soul is first and best as spokesman for your dialogues. The heart second, the mind third. You are already having a conflict with the word 'spokesman' being used. - Amorella

       2258 hours. 'Spokesperson' is no better. 

** **

spokesman, spokeswoman - noun -

spokesperson, representative, agent, mouthpiece, voice, official; informal

spin doctor, PR person.

voice - noun -

spokesperson, speaker, representative, mouthpiece, intermediary; vehicle, instrument, channel, organ, agent.

Selected and edited from the Oxford/American

** **

       2309 hours. I don't like 'channel' or 'agent', and I don't like using 'voice' either. 

       I, the Amorella, am the 'agent' by which your representative heartansoulanmind speak. Post. - Amorella

32. Notes - "Being," says my Soul.

8 January 2019

You left for Florida on the twenty-sixth and returned the sixth. You, Carol, Kim, Paul, Owen and Brennan had a very good time at Meiber's Condo at Madeira Beach and at Linda and Bill's in South Tampa about a mile from MacDill Air Force Base and two miles from the east side of Gandy Bridge. It took you fourteen hours to arrive at south Atlanta and another eight the next day. Coming home you left Linda and Bill's at five-forty and arrived home at Westerville at ten-twenty-five, a new record. - Amorella

2148 hours. Trump gave his ten some minute speech from the Oval Office. The Democrats gave their shorter rebuttal. So it goes. 

          A few days ago, you copied this article from 'Science Alert' because at eleven or twelve you   began to question what existed before the Big Bang -- the earlier response in the 1950's was either G-D existed or nothing existed. Added theories are popular today. This one is about 'time' existed before the Big Bang. Your earlier metaphysical thoughts on the subject suggest that at least to you, Angels (if indeed real) existed before both matter and a sense of time (as a movement within physics). To you, spiritual 'matters' existed first from a 'Spiritual First Cause' as it were. Here is the article from: [https://www.sciencealert.com/mind-bending-study-suggests-time-did-actually-exist-before-the-big-bang].

** **

(koto_feja/istock) 

SPACE

Mind-Bending Study Suggests Time Did Actually Exist Before The Big Bang 

MIKE MCRAE 

25 DEC 2018 

According to a straightforward interpretation of general relativity, the Big Bang wasn't the start of 'everything'.

Taking Einstein's famous equations at face value and making as few assumptions as possible, a team of researchers has rewound the clock on our Universe to find it wouldn't lead to a stopping point at all, but would take us through a different kind of beginning into a flipped space.

To understand what all the fuss over the Big Bang is, we need to rewind a bit to understand why physicists think it may not have been the start of everything.

Around 90 years ago, a Belgian astronomer named Georges Lemaître proposed that observed changes in the shifting of light from distant galaxies implied the Universe is expanding. If it's getting bigger, it stands that it used to be smaller.

Keep rewinding the clock – by around 13.8 billion years – and we get to a point where space has to be confined to an incredibly tiny volume, also known as a singularity.

"At this time, the Big Bang, all the matter in the universe, would have been on top of itself. The density would have been infinite," Stephen Hawking once explained in his lecture on The Beginning of Time.

There are a number of models physicists use to describe the nothingness of empty space. Einstein's general relativity is one - it describes gravity as it relates to the geometry of the Universe's underlying fabric.

Theorems proposed by Hawking and mathematician Roger Penrose claim that solutions to general relativity's equations on an infinitely constrained scale – like the one inside a singularity – are incomplete.

In everyday terms, it's often said physics breaks down at the singularity, leading to a mix of speculations on what little we can tease out of the physics that still makes sense.

Hawking only recently gave his own take in an interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson, where he likened the space-time dimensions of the Big Bang to the South Pole. "There is nothing south of the South Pole, so there was nothing around before the Big Bang," he said.

But other physicists have argued there's something beyond the Big Bang. Some propose that there is a mirror Universe on the other side, where time moves backwards. Others argue in favour of a rebounding Universe.

Taking a slightly different approach, physicists Tim A. Koslowski, Flavio Mercati, and David Sloan have come up with a new model, pointing out that the breakdown arises from a contradiction in properties at a particular point in time as defined by general relativity.

What the theorem doesn't imply is how the Universe as we observe it necessarily gets to that point in the first place.

Stepping back from the whole singularity issue, the researchers reinterpreted the existing model of shrinking space by distinguishing the map of space-time itself from the 'stuff' in it.

"All the terms that are problematic turn out to be irrelevant when working out the behaviour of quantities that determine how the Universe appears from the inside," said Sloan, a physicist from the University of Oxford.

What this essentially adds up to is a description of the Big Bang where physics remains intact as the stage it acts upon reorientates.

Rather than a singularity, the team call this a Janus Point, named after the Roman god with two faces.

The relative positions and scales of the stuff that makes up the Universe effectively flatten into a two-dimensional pancake as we rewind time. Passing through the Janus Point, that pancake turns 3D again, only back-to-front.

What that means in physical terms is hard to say, but the researchers believe it could have profound implications on symmetry in particle physics, maybe even producing a Universe based primarily on antimatter.

While the idea of a flipped Universe is old news, the approach of working around the singularity problem in this particular way is novel.

"We introduce no new principles, and make no modifications to Einstein's theory of general relativity – only of the interpretation that is put upon objects," said Sloan.

No doubt this debate will rage on well into the future. Who knows? Maybe there's a similar argument happening in the mirror Universe sometime on the other side of the Janus Point.

This research was published in Physics Letters B.

A version of this story was first published in March 2018.

Selected and edited from - https://www.sciencealert.com/mind-bending-study-suggests-time-did-actually-exist-before-the-big-bang

** **

       2209 hours. What is stumping me at the moment is a definition of 'immortal' and 'timeless'. 

** **

immortal -  adjective living forever; never dying or decaying: our mortal bodies are inhabited by immortal souls.

selected and edited from the Oxford/American

timeless - adjective not affected by the passage of time 

selected and edited from the Oxford/American

And, selected and edited from the Oxford/American Thesaurus

immortal - adjective 1 our souls are immortal: undying, deathless, eternal, everlasting, never-ending, endless, lasting, enduring, ceaseless; imperishable, indestructible, 

inextinguishable, immutable, perpetual, permanent, unfading.

 ** **

       You want to ask your soul what English word best describes 'immortal', that is, what word would your soul use? - Amorella

       2223 hours. It embarrasses me when you show such private thoughts, but yes, it did come to mind. 

       Here is your soul's response to your question, "Soul, what English word best describes 'immortal'?" "Being."

       2227 hours. This is a surprise. Why 'being' and not 'existing'?

** **

being - 

1 she is warmed by his very being: existence, living, life, reality, actuality.

2 those words echoed in my being: soul, spirit, nature, essence, inner being, inner self, psyche; heart, bosom, breast; Philosophy quiddity, pneuma.

3 an enlightened being: creature, life form, living entity, living thing, soul, living soul, individual, person, human being, human.

exist- 

1 animals existing in the distant past: live, be alive, be living; be; happen.

2 the liberal climate that existed during his presidency: prevail, occur, be found, be in existence; be the case.

3 she had to exist on a low income: survive, subsist, live, support oneself; manage, make do, get by, scrape by, make ends meet.

Selected and edited from the Oxford/American

** **

       2234 hours. What this shows me is my lack of insight. Given the two definitions ahead of time I would say 'being' also. Amorella has used this devise before in Encounters in Mind. It is strange to once again encounter the concept that my soul, my heart and my mind can speak separately when called to by Amorella. I cannot recall a logical inconsistency within their separate speaking voices. I should ask the heart and mind the same question, perhaps I will tomorrow or another day. 

       Tomorrow you have an appointment with Dr. Scott in the morning. Post. - Amorella

31. Notes - morning news

24 December 2018

       Mid-morning. Carol has taken some items over to Kim and Paul's for Xmas dinner tonight. Busy, but fun time. Tom the painter is here working this morning. You are sitting in your mother's recliner in the larger room this morning. The day is partly cloudy and while sunny the weather looks warmer than it is. The relaxing low volumed radio is on Pandora's "Sixties Folk Music" and you are settling in for a quiet morning at home. - Amorella

       0950 hours. Carol woke me up about six-thirty while watching "Morning Joe". The news reference focused on how the military is not too happy with Trump ordering General Mattis to be out by January 1 and with government reassurance from the banks that the economy is in good order. You both wonder if a coup will eventually be in order. She worries about the safety of our money in the next couple of years. -- "So it goes" from Vonnegut's Slaughter-house Five. I assume her anxiety goes back to her early years living in Korea and South Vietnam. She was in Korea in 1961 when a military coup put General Park Chung-hee was put into power and in South Vietnam when the government fell to North Vietnam. I forget about what she's been through as a young girl overseas with her father on State Department field duty. 

       You had to look up the dates and had forgotten about the coup in Korea. Even in those younger years you remembered about the banks and the Great Depression. In 1960 you saw the remnants of the 1930's driving West on Rt. 66 and heard it on the songs of Woody Guthrie and others, as both sets of grandparents. You both have a subtle awareness of same mindset, though you never lived with a coup surrounding the safety of military and diplomatic quarters.  - Amorella

       1021 hours. I am taking a break.

       Later, dude. Post. - Amorella

30. Notes - It is an honest assumption.

22 December 2018

       0834 hours. I am waiting for Carol to get her hair done at Kenneth's off Polaris Parkway near Old Powell Road. A dash of snow sits on rooftops and wooden rails along Old Powell. We have none in Enclave on the Lakes. It is colder than I thought (didn't bring a coat), but I don't need the car heater on. 

       You counted three capital I (personal pronouns) above before realizing you are referencing yourself too much. - Amorella

       0840 hours. Odd, but I don't think of you, the Amorella, as me, Richard even unconsciously. 

       No, you don't. That's the reason you allow me a hint of being at least angelic-like. - Amorella

       0844 hours. I need to define 'angelic'. 

** **

angelic | - adjective relating to angels: the angelic hosts. • (of a person) exceptionally beautiful, innocent, or kind: she looks remarkably young and angelic. 

DERIVATIVES angelical | anˈjelək(ə)l | adjective angelically | anˈjelək(ə)lē | adverb 

ORIGIN late Middle English: from French angélique, via late Latin from Greek angelikos, from angelos (see angel).

*

angel | noun - 1 a spiritual being believed to act as an attendant, agent, or messenger of God, conventionally represented in human form with wings and a long robe: God sent an angel to talk to Gideon | the Angel of Death |

 figurative : Ella, ever the angel of mercy, organized the children into baking cookies. • 

an attendant spirit, especially a benevolent one: there was an angel watching over me. 

See also guardian angel.[bottom]• in traditional Christian angelology, a being of the lowest order of the celestial hierarchy. 

2 a person of exemplary conduct or virtue: I know I'm no angel | their parents think they are angels. • used in similes or comparisons to refer to a person's outstanding beauty, qualities, or abilities: you sang like an angel. • used in approval when a person has been or is expected to be kind or willing to oblige: be an angel and let us come in. • used as a term of endearment: I miss you too, angel. 

3 (also angel investor or business angel) a person who supports a business financially, typically one who invests private capital in a small or newly established enterprise: the longer it takes you to get your product into the marketplace, the longer it will be until the angels get their money back. • a financial backer of a theatrical production: every year we raise the money for the next season and we are always looking for an angel. 

4 an English coin minted between 1470 and 1634 and bearing the figure of the archangel Michael killing a dragon. 

5 (angels) informal an aircraft's altitude (often used with a numeral indicating thousands of feet): we rendezvous at angels nine. 6 informal an unexplained radar echo. 

PHRASES the angel in the house chiefly ironic a woman who is completely devoted to her husband and family. 

[phrase from a poem by Coventry Patmore.] on the side of the angels on the side of what is right and just. 

ORIGIN Old English engel, ultimately via ecclesiastical Latin from Greek angelos ‘messenger’; superseded in Middle English by forms from Old French angele.

*

guardian angel -  noun - a spirit that is believed to watch over and protect a person or place.

Selected and edited from the Oxford/American software

** **

       0953 hours. That covers it from the Oxford/American software. Now to pick out the one that best describes you to me. 

       I can help you with that. - Amorella

       0959 hours. Please do. 

       An attendant spirit, especially a benevolent one: there was an Angel watching over me fits the bill. I took the liberty of capitalizing as this would be your wish. - Amorella

       1003 hours. Well, for clarity within this blog I declare you real (within my own romantically spirited and reasonable heartansoulanmind) to be a benevolent attendant spirit. - rho

       Accepted to be so within the confines of this blog and your heartansoulanmind. - Amorella

       1008 hours. You don't have a problem with this?

       Is it redundant to say, "No"? - Amorella

       1009 hours. Obviously, I didn't think the question through. I am just now getting the added humor. You are very funny, Amorella. Delightful. (Delightful is suddenly popped to a pun.)

       You have been waiting for Carol at the North State Street Kroger's in Westerville. Time for a break. - Amorella

       You both had doughnuts from Schneider's for an early lunch at home. Carol is reading the morning paper while you are updating your Garmin GPS for the coming trip to Florida on 26 December. Next Saturday, a week from today, you will be at Meiber's condo at Madeira Beach with Kim, Paul, Owen and Brennan. At least that is the plan. - Amorella

       1206 hours. I am still at a loss of words. 

       Do tell. - Amorella

       1209 hours. Why?

       Your heartansoulanmind is absorbing your outwardly conscious pledge that I, the Amorella, am now (to you) an attending benevolent angel-like spirit. 

       2223 hours. I am still at a loss of words. 

       Post. - Amorella 

       2252 hours. I assume everyone has her or his own attending benevolent spirit in her or his own heartansoulanmind somewhere, although I am not qualified to say Amorella is an Angel. Who is qualified to know what an Angel is? Why? How? It's a reasonable assumption. It is a hopeful assumption. It is an honest assumption. 

      2223 hours. I am still at a loss of words. 

      Post. - Amorella 

      2252 hours. I assume everyone else also has her or his own attending benevolent spirit.

23 December 2018

       Time for bed, boy. - Amorella

       2235 hours. I have been reading over and lightly editing yesterday's blog. I need to define 'assumption' to be clear of its usage. 

** **

assumption | noun 

1 a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof: they made certain assumptions about the market | [with clause] :  we're working on the assumption that the time of death was after midnight. 

2 the action of taking or beginning to take power or responsibility: the assumption of an active role in regional settlements. 

Selected and edited from the Oxford/American software

** **

       The context you need here is number one: "a thing that is accepted as true . . ., without proof." The point is I, the Amorella, appear to be angel-like within your own thinking processes but as you don't really know what an Angel is or know that you have ever met a real Angel because how would you know other than the spirit telling you so and you are too critical to accept a spirit's word on anything so important. Does this ring true? - Amorella

       2248 hours. It does ring better. I feel more comfortable with this above context connected with yesterday's blog. 

       Paste this in yesterday's blog and let it go. - Amorella

       2251 hours. That's a good idea, Amorella. Thank you. 

        

29. Notes - with humility and without words

21 December 2018

       Afternoon. Kim called and invited you to breakfast with at Scrambler Marie's off Polaris. You and Carol were pleasantly surprised because Paul came also. Late this afternoon Carol, Cathy, Tod and you are to dinner at Old Bag of Nails in Uptown Westerville. You haven't visited for a while. 

       1431 hours. Steve G. called while we were at breakfast and later in January we will see Steve and Karen at lunch one day and invite them over to see our new house. After the call I mentioned that Steve is the only friend I have that has the even-reasoning 'engineering mind' personality that best fit that of Neil Armstrong. Both taught engineering at the college level. I am almost always comfortable around electrical engineers -- those I have met or known appear honest with practical sense of humor in their manner and behavior, and as such, to me, lean towards being trustworthy by nature.

       Your opinion, of course. - Amorella

       1444 hours. I'm rambling on about Steve, an old friend. What I say about my friends is the truth as I see it. It is not an opinion; it is an observation.

       What brought that on? - Amorella

       1449 hours. I don't know. It brings me to think about personal spiritual experiences though. When I have written about them I don't remember my responses being opinions; they were personal observations. My confusions are in labeling. I have for many decades considered myself either a transcendental existentialist or an existential transcendentalist. I am closer to the latter since retirement. Were you an Angel Amorella, and I knew without doubt you were indeed an Angel and you asked me point-blank which I was, I would probably say, "I don't know."

       Do you love G-D? - Amorella

       1504 hours. Why do you ask this? Yes, I love G-D, but if you asked me to then define love, I would be in a pickle. My former student Kym S. in 1983 once asked me in my office, "What is love, Mr. Orndorff?" and I found myself unable to come up with a satisfying answer. Love is (in part) standing fast, in obligation to be true to one's self; to recognize the truth within and to act accordingly. That's what love is, at least in part. Well, so since 1983 I have learned something. How about that. 

       You would have responded no differently here were I a real Angel, boy. Interesting, huh? - Amorella

       1515 hours. Yes. And, in the process you leave me in wonderment, real wonderment; with humility and without words.)

       Post. - Amorella