Saturday, April 6, 2019

86. Notes - oversoul, soul and consciousness



86. 6/7 April 2019

       Mid-afternoon. You just dropped Carol off at the west door of Macy's at Polaris. You are facing north. After her errand you are eating at Bibibop, Korean food and then you have an errand at Best Buy. Afterwards, the plan is to stop at one of the Westerville Parks for reading and writing as it is a wonderful partly cloudy Spring. Earlier you dropped in this BBC Future article on consciousness. - Amorella

       1449 hours. I placed it on my Facebook page before we left. I agree in principle with the theory below. I wonder what the connection consciousness has to do with the soul outside of the heartanmind if anything? My romantic self still is enraptured with the concept of Emerson's essay "The-Oversoul". I included an overview from Wikipedia and a bit more specific overview from Gradesaver.

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1. The Over-Soul

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"The Over-Soul" is an essay by Ralph Waldo Emerson, first published in 1841. With the human soul as its overriding subject, several general themes are treated: (1) the existence and nature of the human soul; (2) the relationship between the soul and the personal ego; (3) the relationship of one human soul to another; and (4) the relationship of the human soul to God. Influence of Eastern religions, including Vedantism, is plainly evident, but the essay also develops ideas long present in the Western tradition, e.g., in the works of Plato, Plutarch, and Neoplatonists like Plotinus and Proclus – all of whose writings Emerson read extensively throughout his career– and Emanuel Swedenborg.
The essay attempts no systematic doctrine, but rather serves as a work of art, something like poetry. Its virtue is in personal insights of the author and the lofty manner of their presentation. Emerson wishes to exhort and direct the reader to an awakening of similar thoughts or sentiments.
With respect to the four themes listed above, the essay presents the following views: (1) the human soul is immortal, and immensely vast and beautiful; (2) our conscious ego is slight and limited in comparison to the soul, despite the fact that we habitually mistake our ego for our true self; (3) at some level, the souls of all people are connected, though the precise manner and degree of this connection is not spelled out; and (4) the essay does not seem to explicitly contradict the traditional Western idea that the soul is created by and has an existence (?) that is similar to God, or rather God exists within us.
The Over-Soul is now considered one of Emerson's greatest writings.

History

The essay includes the following passage:
The Supreme Critic on the errors of the past and the present, and the only prophet of that which must be, is that great nature in which we rest, as the earth lies in the soft arms of the atmosphere; that Unity, that Over-soul, within which every man's particular being is contained and made one with all other; that common heart. 
For Emerson the term denotes a supreme underlying unity which transcends duality or plurality, much in keeping with the philosophy of Advaita Vedanta. This non-Abrahamic interpretation of Emerson's use of the term is further supported by the fact that Emerson's Journal records in 1845 suggest that he was reading the Bhagavad Gita and Henry Thomas Colebrooke's essays on the Vedas. Emerson goes on in the same essay to further articulate his view of this dichotomy between phenomenal plurality and transcendental unity:
We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul.
"Over-soul" has more recently come to be used by Eastern philosophers such as Meher Baba and others as the closest English language equivalent of the Vedic concept of Paramatman. (In Sanskrit the word param means "supreme" and atman means "soul"; thus Paramatman literally means "Supreme-Soul".) The term is used frequently in discussion of Eastern metaphysics and has also entered western vernacular. In this context, the term "Over-soul" is understood as the collective indivisible Soul, of which all individual souls or identities are included. The experience of this underlying reality of the indivisible "I am" state of the Over-soul is said to be veiled from the human mind by sanskaras, or impressions, acquired over the course of evolution and reincarnation. Such past impressions form a kind of sheath between the Over-soul and its true identity, as they give rise to the tendency of identification with the gross differentiated body. Thus the world, as apperceived through the impressions of the past appears plural, while reality experienced in the present, unencumbered by past impressions (the unconditioned or liberated mind), perceives itself as the One indivisible totality, i.e. the Over-soul.

Selected and edited from Wikipedia

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2. [Self Reliance and Other Essays Summary and] Analysis of The Over-Soul


Introduction

“The Over-Soul” was published in 1841 in Essays: First Series. The essay elaborates upon the relationship between the soul and God that he first explored in Nature. Unsurprisingly, scholars consider the essay as the classical statement of his religious ideas.

Emerson prefaces his essay with two poetic epigraphs: "Psychozoia, or, the Life of Soul" by Henry More and a selection by Emerson (later published as “Unity”). The selection from More’s poem raises the idea of not only the soul of the individual, but also the intimate relationship of all souls to God. They are bound to one another. Emerson’s selection builds on this idea, drawing attention to both the constitutive relationship between opposite pairs (e.g., “east and west” and “Night and Day”) – like the relationship between the individual soul and God – and the unifying “power / That works its will on age and hour” and infuses “Every quality and pith” (i.e., God, or the “Over-Soul”).
While Emerson does not explicitly do so, his essay can be divided into four sections as a guide: 1) defining the Over-Soul (paragraphs 1-10), 2) the relationship between the Over-Soul and society (paragraphs 11-15), 3) revelation of the Over-Soul (paragraphs 16-21), and 4) the relationship between the Over-Soul and individuals (paragraphs 22-30).
Defining the Over-Soul (paragraphs 1-10)

Why, asks Emerson, do we have such extraordinary hopes for human life? Where does our “universal sense of want and ignorance” stem from? Emerson argues they derive from our connection to the Over-Soul. The Over-Soul contains and unites all individual souls, and acts as the animating force behind each individual. “When it breathes through his intellect, it is genius; when it breathes through his will, it is virtue; when it flows through his affection, it is love."
If such a description sounds opaque, Emerson admits to describe the Over-Soul in words is an act of futility, for one can only understand if one yields to and experiences the Over-Soul for oneself. Yet to a certain extent, we are all aware of its presence intuitively in those moments the soul contradicts all normal experience by abolishing time and space. Such moments overpower the human mind, so convinced of the absolute reality of time and space. For example, we are aware of a certain sense of universal and eternal beauty, which “belongs to ages than to mortal life.” When we think of a verse of Shakespeare, profound quote by Plato, or the teachings of Jesus, we feel the reach of their divine thought across the centuries in the present.
Nonetheless, our soul can grow to more intimately connect with and experience the Over-Soul. Such growth occurs not by gradation, but by evolution or ascension into a new state of virtue.
The Over-Soul and Society (paragraphs 11-15)

As the Over-Soul unites all individual souls, so it unites all of society. Such unification manifests itself in the idea of a common nature. When we refer to our common nature in conversations with one another, we do not refer to a social connection, but rather an impersonal one -- in other words, a connection to God.
Revelation (paragraphs 16-21)

Beyond our implicit awareness of the Over-Soul though, how do we recognize our soul and its connection to the Over-Soul? Emerson argues the soul manifests itself through revelation. While the popular conception of revelation is of fortune telling, such a practice is low, sinful, and ultimately futile. God will provide no answer to questions of the future, for humans should live in the present and accept “the tide of being which floats us into the secret of nature.” Revelation properly understood is instead the “influx of the Divine mind into our mind,” and can be seen all across the history of religion. When our soul mingles with the Over-Soul in a moment of revelation, we receive a new truth or perform a great feat. Such moments are filled with the sublime, which leads to obedience to and insight into the Over-Soul.
Our capacity for revelation also allows us to see and know each other. For as we connect with the Over-Soul, we also connect with one another. We can perceive the spirit of our fellow humans. We place our faith in some, yet not others, based on their character, even if we have no foreknowledge of or significant acquaintance with them. “We are all discerners of spirits.”
The Over-Soul and the Individual (paragraphs 22-30)

As such, the state of our soul “we shall teach, not voluntarily, but involuntarily.” Regardless of superficial qualities like age, actions, or learning, we can distinguish when one has “the tone of seeking” or “the tone of having” an intimate connection with God. In particular, one whose soul has ascended to God is plain and true; has no rose-color, no fine friends, no chivalry, no adventures; does not want admiration; dwells in the hour that now is, in the earnest experience of the common day, — by reason of the present moment and the mere trifle having become porous to thought, and bibulous of the sea of light.
 Such an individual experiences ongoing revelations.
As all can achieve such intimacy with God, Emerson advises we all recognize how God dwells within us. Such recognition does not occur through (established) religion, but rather a personal effort and belief. Indeed, Emerson ends with a critique of established religion, which appeals to the number of its followers, and thus stands on authority, rather than faith itself. To connect with the Over-Soul, one must have faith in oneself, and thus in the soul.
Selected and edited from - https://www.gradesaver.com/self-reliance-and-other-essays/study-guide/summary-the-over-soul


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       2329 hours. The material below relates to consciousness which also, it seems to me, to related to the whole of the spirit, the heartansoulanmind. I wonder first, how my soul sees itself in light of Emerson; and second how my soul sees itself in this light of consciousness below?

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"Are we close to solving the puzzle of consciousness?"

Giulio Tononi’s "integrated information theory" might solve neuroscience’s biggest puzzle

·  By David Robson
                  27 March 2019
Can a lobster feel pain in the same way as you or I?
We know that they have the same sensors – called nociceptors – that cause us to flinch or cry when we are hurt. And they certainly behave like they are sensing something unpleasant. When a chef places them in boiling water, for instance, they twitch their tails as if they are in agony.
But are they actually “aware” of the sensation? Or is that response merely a reflex?
When you or I perform an action, our minds are filled with a complex conscious experience. We can’t just assume that this is also true for other animals, however – particularly ones with such different brains from our own. It’s perfectly feasible – some scientists would even argue that it’s likely – that a creature like a lobster lacks any kind of internal experience, compared to the rich world inside our head.
“With a dog, who behaves quite a lot like us, who is in a body which is not too different from ours, and who has a brain that is not too different from ours, it’s much more plausible that it sees things and hears things very much like we do, than to say that it is completely ‘dark inside’, so to speak,” says Giulio Tononi, a neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. “But when it comes down to a lobster, all bets are off.”
The question of whether other brains – quite alien to our own – are capable of awareness, is just one of the many conundrums that arise when scientists start thinking about consciousness. When does an awareness of our own being first emerge in the brain? Why does it feel the way it does? And will computers ever be able to achieve the same internal life?
Tononi may have a solution to these puzzles. His "integrated information theory" is one of the most exciting theories of consciousness to have emerged over the last few years, and although it is not yet proven, it provides some testable hypotheses that may soon give a definitive answer.

Knowing what consciousness is, and how it came about, is crucial to understanding our place in the universe and what we do with our lives – Giulio Tononi 
Tononi says his fascination arose as a teenager with a “typically adolescent” preoccupation with ethics and philosophy. “I realised that knowing what consciousness is and how it came about is crucial to understanding our place in the universe and what we do with our lives,” he says.
At that age, he did not know the best path to follow to pursue those questions – Would it be mathematics? Or philosophy? – but he eventually settled on medicine. And the clinical experience helped to fertilise his young mind. “There is really something special about having a direct exposure to neurological cases and psychotic cases,” he says. “It really forces you to face directly what happens to patients when they lose consciousness or lose the components of consciousness in ways that are really difficult to imagine if you didn’t see that it actually happens.”
In his published research, however, he built his reputation with some pioneering work on sleep – a less controversial field. “At that time you couldn’t even talk about consciousness,” he says. But he kept on mulling over the question, and in 2004, he published his first description of his theory, which he has subsequently expanded and developed.
It begins with a set of axioms that define what consciousness actually is. Tononi proposes that any conscious experience needs to be structured, for instance – if you look at the space around you, you can distinguish the position of objects relative to each other. It’s also specific and "differentiated" – each experience will be different depending on the particular circumstances, meaning there are a huge number of possible experiences. And it is integrated. If you look at a red book on a table, its shape and colour and location – although initially processed separately in the brain – are all held together at once in a single conscious experience. We even combine information from many different senses – what Virginia Woolf described as the “incessant shower of innumerable atoms” – into a single sense of the here and now.

According to Tononi’s theory, the more information that is shared and processed between many different components then the higher the level of consciousness 
From these axioms, Tononi proposes that we can identify a person’s (or an animal’s, or even a computer’s) consciousness from the level of “information integration” that is possible in the brain (or CPU). According to his theory, the more information that is shared and processed between many different components to contribute to that single experience, then the higher the level of consciousness.
Perhaps the best way to understand what this means in practice is to compare the brain’s visual system to a digital camera. A camera captures the light hitting each pixel of the image sensor – which is clearly a huge amount of total information. But the pixels are not “talking” to each other or sharing information: each one is independently recording a tiny part of the scene. And without that integration, it can’t have a rich conscious experience.
Like the digital camera, the human retina contains many sensors that initially capture small elements of the scene. But that data is then shared and processed across many different brain regions. Some areas will be working on the colours, adapting the raw data to make sense of the light levels so that we can still recognise colours even in very different conditions. Others examine the contours, which might involve guessing the parts of an object are obscured – if a coffee cup is in front of part of the book, for instance – so you still get a sense of the overall shape. Those regions will then share that information, passing it further up the hierarchy to combine the different elements – and out pops the conscious experience of all that is in front of us.
The same goes for our memories. Unlike a digital camera’s library of photos, we don’t store each experience separately. They are combined and cross-linked to form a meaningful narrative. Every time we experience something new, it is integrated with that previous information. It is the reason that the taste of a single madeleine can trigger a memory from our distant childhood – and it is all part of our conscious experience.
At least, that’s the theory – and it’s compatible with many observations and experiments across medicine.

By altering the levels of important neurotransmitters, anaesthesia appears to break down the brain’s information integration 
One study, published in 2015, examined the brains of participants under various forms of anaesthesia – including propofol and xenon. To get an idea of the brain’s capacity to integrate information, the team applied a magnetic field above the scalp to stimulate a small area of the cortex underneath – a standard non-invasive technique known as Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). When awake, you would observe a complex ripple of activity as the brain responds to the TMS, with many different regions responding, which Tononi takes to be a sign of information integration between the different groups of neurons.
But the brains of the people under propofol and xenon did not show that response – the brainwaves generated were much simpler in form compared to the hubbub of activity in the awake brain.  By altering the levels of important neurotransmitters, the drugs appeared to have “broken down” the brain’s information integration – and this corresponded to the participants’ complete lack of awareness during the experiment. Their inner experience had faded to black.
Drug-induced fantasies
As a further comparison, the team also looked at participants under ketamine. Although the drug renders you unresponsive to the outside world – meaning that it is also used as an anaesthetic – the patients frequently report wild dreams, as opposed to the pure “blank” experienced under propofol or xenon. Sure enough, Tononi’s team found that the responses to the TMS were far more complex than those under the other anaesthetics, reflecting their altered state of consciousness. They were disconnected from the outside world, but their minds were still very much turned on during their drug-induced fantasies.
Tononi has found similar results when examining different sleep stages. During non-REM sleep – in which dreams are rarer – the responses to TMS were less complex; but during REM sleep, which frequently coincides with dream consciousness, the information integration appeared to be higher.
He emphasises that this isn’t “proof” that his theory is correct, but it shows that he could be working on the right lines. “Let’s say that if we had obtained the opposite result, we would have been in trouble.”

Some people lack a cerebellum - containing half the neurons in the whole brain - yet they are still capable of conscious perception 
Tononi’s theory also chimes with the experiences of people with various forms of brain damage. The cerebellum, for instance, is the walnut-shaped, pinkish-grey mass at the base of the brain and its prime responsibility is coordinating our movements. It contains four times as many neurons as the cortex, the bark-like outer layer of the brain – around half the total number of neurons in the whole brain. Yet some people lack a cerebellum (either because they were born without it, or they lost it through brain damage) and they are still capable of conscious perception, leading a relatively long and “normal” life without any loss of awareness.
These cases wouldn’t make sense if you just consider the sheer number of neurons to be important for the creation of conscious experience. In line with Tononi’s theory, however, the cerebellum’s processing mostly happens locally rather than exchanging and integrating signals, meaning it would have a minimum role in awareness.
Measures of the brain’s responses to the TMS also seem to predict the consciousness of patients in a non-communicative and vegetative state – a finding with potentially profound clinical applications.
Great claims require great evidence, of course – and few scientific questions are more profound than the mystery of consciousness.
Tononi’s methods so far only offer a very crude “proxy” of the brain’s information integration – and to really prove his theory’s worth, more sophisticated tools will be required that can precisely measure processing in any kind of brain.
Daniel Toker, a neuroscientist at the University of California Berkeley, says the idea that information integration is necessary for consciousness is very “intuitive” to other scientists, but much more evidence is required. “The broader perspective in the field is that it is an interesting idea, but pretty much completely untested,” he says.
It all comes down to mathematics. Using previous techniques, the time taken to measure information integration across a network increases “super exponentially” with the number of nodes you are considering – meaning that, even with the best technology, the computation could last longer than the lifespan of the universe. But Toker has recently proposed an ingenious shortcut for these calculations that may bring that down to a couple of minutes, which he has tested with measurements from a couple of macaques. This could be one first step to putting the theory on a much firmer experimental footing. “We’re really in the early stages of all this,” says Toker.
Only then can we begin to answer the really big questions – such as comparing the consciousness of different types of brain. Even if Tononi’s theory doesn’t prove to be true, however, Toker thinks it’s helped to push other neuroscientists to think more mathematically about the question of consciousness – which could inspire future theories.

If integrated information theory is correct, computers could behave exactly like you and me, and yet there would literally be nobody there – Giulio Tononi 
And should information integration theory be right, it would be truly game changing – with implications far beyond neuroscience and medicine. Proof of consciousness in a creature, such as a lobster, could transform the fight for animal rights, for instance.
It would also answer some long-standing questions about artificial intelligence. Tononi argues that the basic architecture of the computers we have today – made from networks of transistors – preclude the necessary level of information integration that is necessary for consciousness. So even if they can be programmed to behave like a human, they would never have our rich internal life.
“There is a sense, according to some, that sooner rather than later computers may be cognitively as good as we are – not just in some tasks, such as playing Go, chess, or recognising faces, or driving cars, but in everything,” says Tononi. “But if integrated information theory is correct, computers could behave exactly like you and me – indeed you might [even] be able to have a conversation with them that is as rewarding, or more rewarding, than with you or me – and yet there would literally be nobody there.” Again, it comes down to that question of whether intelligent behaviour has to arise from consciousness – and Tononi’s theory would suggest it’s not.

Although the concept of group consciousness may seem like a stretch, Tononi’s theory might help us to understand how large bodies of people sometimes begin to think, feel, remember, decide, and react as one entity 
He emphasises this is not just a question of computational power, or the kind of software that is used. “The physical architecture is always more or less the same, and that is always not at all conducive to consciousness.” So thankfully, the kind of moral dilemmas seen in series like Humans and Westworld may never become a reality.
It could even help us understand the ways we interact with each other. Thomas Malone, director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Center for Collective Intelligence and author of the book Superminds, has recently applied the theory to teams of people – in the laboratory, and in real-world, including the editors of Wikipedia entries. He has shown that the estimates of the integrated information shared by the team members could predict group performance on the various tasks. Although the concept of “group consciousness” may seem like a stretch, he thinks that Tononi’s theory might help us to understand how large bodies of people sometimes begin to think, feel, remember, decide, and react as one entity.
He cautions this is still very much speculation: we first need to be sure that integrated information is a sign of consciousness in the individual. “But I do think it’s very intriguing to consider what this might mean for the possibility of groups to be conscious.”
For now, we still can’t be certain if a lobster, computer or even a society is conscious or not, but in the future, Tononi’s theory may help us to understand ‘minds’ that are very alien to our own.

Selected and edited from - http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190326-are-we-close-to-solving-the-puzzle-of-consciousness?ocid=ww.social.link.facebook&fbclid=IwAR2jb64hXS-xhdqbpn5ZC7FhqikbixSqNINzyrGejhdKSvbn7NMEkB4AHRw

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       It is too late to carry on tonight; however tomorrow we can continue with these questions and responses from both Miss Havisham and myself, Amorella. Post. 

Friday, April 5, 2019

85. Notes - so simple


85. 5 April 2019

       Mid-afternoon. You are facing south at Shale Park. Carol is taking a gravel trail up the wooded hill towards Rt. 23. Your plan it to work on Chapter Three so go to it. - Amorella

       Evening. You did work on "The Brothers" for a time. Carol wanted to stop at Kroger's on the way home and you did. You have not worked on "The Brothers" since. - Amorella

       2244 hours. My mind appears to 'stumble into a stupor' at times. Passion ebbs. Spirit draws down into the well of souls, so to speak.

       What is such a phrase as "spirit draws down into a well of souls"? You are reflecting on one the 'Indiana Jones' films. Are you implying a well of souls sucks the spirit down as in a soda straw? In the general sense, your soul (myself) holds your heartanmind (yourself). With intent, the soul draws the heartanmind close for protection from Nothingness, the lack of human dignity and freedom. Speaking frankly, the stupor you speak of here is from your heart, the well of souls is your mind and its lack of will to write. That's the context of how your soul sees this moment. mh

       2258 hours. You sound reasonable like Amorella, Miss Havisham. How can you both (within) sound so reasonable, when I basically am not so reasonable (within myself). I feel mentally depressed at times and this is one of them. 

       Indeed boy, you were not so reasonable on Wednesday evening when you reported after the dinner with Aunt Ruthie, Cathy, Tod, Carol and yourself: 

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       2256 hours. The two hours were heartfelt to be sure. We were all thankful we are all here sharing the same table. We had a wonderful family time together. It was a joyous and strangely intimate time right Uptown in front of G-D and everybody else. 
       From Note 83.
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"[The dinner] was a joyous and strangely intimate time." Where is the reasonability in that? - Amorella

       2317 hours. This passage was followed by Miss Havisham who suggesting family spirits passed by our table that evening. Alas, that is not so reasonable either. Hints of momentary madness one might say. 

       One might, but you don't. To you, soul or not, this is how you felt even if you couldn't bring yourself to admit it. - Amorella

       2322 hours. This sounds as if I cannot accept my own human reality.

       You cannot always accept yourself for what you are. - Amorella

       2325 hours. In this sense, presently, my soul is attempting to protect me from misplacements in my heartanmind, but she cannot protect me from my own self-dishonesty. I have to admit I am a fraud. 

       You do, and when you do, at that moment, you will be free to restore your self-dignity, your humanity. - Amorella

       2330 hours. You make this seem so simple. 

       Post. - Amorella

Thursday, April 4, 2019

84. Notes - opinion and thought


84. 4 April 2019

       Early dusk. You had a good lunch and conversation with Fritz at lunch, and you and Carol just had a quick supper in the car at McD's before coming to Westerville park where you are facing west observing the budding of mostly honeysuckle and daffodils. Carol is on page 352 of Two Kinds of Truth. Moms and kids are filing into the parking lot for a game at six on this cool and cloudy evening. - Amorella 

       1744 hours. I sent Cathy and Aunt Ruthie a copy of yesterday's post. Cathy liked it and had no complaints. I haven't heard from Aunt Ruthie yet. I am drawn into working on Chapter Three, but I find myself lingering on my soul's perspective of living a fairly, normal day. 

This blue type reminds you of a thank-you letter once received from Ted Kennedy about your written opinion to him on furthering better armed missile controls so there would be 
less of a chance of an accidental nuclear war. You did not realize this until you changed the color type code and before typing. This is an example of what I might do. That is, 'fly', as it were, over once important thoughts and memories you have had in your life, that are still within and stored unconsciously in heartansoul Nestlings, as it were. This is what this soul does, nurturing the base of what you are. You are delighted at the thought because this concept from your perspective has an existential and transcendental quality to it. - mh

       1759 hours. I had not thought about that letter for years. The problem was about proposed ABM missile treaty. I don't know why I wrote to Ted Kennedy but I did. 

       Late evening. You realize that like myself Miss Havisham is a separate personality of your own making but even so you are envisioning connections to the concept of the soul you had not thought before. The key, from your perspective, is to see that the reasoning appears valid, that this work presents a plausibility, and for you that is enough to give you foresight of how the setting of the soul within the heartansoulanmind might operate. Do you concur? - Amorella

       2245 hours. I do. For all I know, the words heart and soul and mind are not adequate to divide the human spirit into three parts. This is just a way for me to think on how it is to be a human being from a spiritual perspective.

       I concur with your thoughts on this. Post. - Amorella

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

83. Notes - stories and imagination


83. 3 April 2019

       Evening. You shared an early supper at the Old Bag of Nails at the corners of State and Main in old Uptown Westerville. Aunt Ruthie (age 90) and her husband Tony P. along with Cathy, Tod, Carol and you at the large front window table. You six had a wonderful time telling stores mostly of old Westerville. When you were two Aunt Ruthie, then fourteen, was your babysitter at the corners of Knox and Park. One of your first family memories was at the wake for FDR that Grandma Schick had. Your grandfather, Henri Schick headed the county Democratic Committee in those days according to Aunt Ruthie. She earlier verified your memory of the wake by saying where your Uncle Dee sat and the structure of the furniture in the room and the colorful mints provided at tables. Aunt Ruthie has her headstone in the old Schick section of Otterbein Cemetery and you and Carol have yours about fifty feet away in the old Cook section. Tonight, she told a story about being at a séance outside of high school and she was told to go alone to a certain part of the cemetery at night. She did and said it induced a strange sensation. Her new headstone rests right near that place. There was only one plot left in the old Schick's area when Henri died so Grandma Mae Freeman-Schick had him buried in the old Freeman section nearby so they could be buried close together. Lots of stories, most funny and interesting. You are the only one left who has shared family memories of Westerville in the forties when Aunt Ruthie was young and you were much younger. Everyone had stories to tell fortunately some were also in the fifties, sixties and seventies. It not only made your day, it made a special day in your life, especially for you and Aunt Ruthie. - Amorella

       2256 hours. The two hours were heartfelt to be sure. We were all thankful we are all here sharing the same table. We had a wonderful family time together. It was a joyous and strangely intimate time right Uptown in front of G-D and everybody else. 

       It was a timeless time for the physical presence and also each heartansoulanmind at the table. You each mentioned the Dead several times and each time you did others were drawn up to the table too. In their own way, of course. From this soul's perspective, several more than you might think passed by with a couple of them lingering in a pause of joyous reflection. That's how this soul saw it. - mh

       Post. - Amorella

       2305 hours. I don't remember underlining anything. I don't remember writing but a few words in blue. I'm sure it's my imagination. 

       As you posted on Facebook yesterday, "Imagination is a reality (of sorts)." - Amorella

       2309 hours. True enough. I did and it is still posted. A couple of long ago former students replied positively. I smiled. 

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

82. Notes - on Jean / angelic-like moment


82. 2 April 2019

       Late morning. You received a thank you note from Sandy. Jean has had Alzheimer's for several years now and lived in a Home as she became progressively worse. It appears a kindness/blessing that she has passed from both of your perspectives. Still, it is sad. - Amorella

       1115 hours. What would a good angel do, Amorella? The heartansoulanmind would be mostly heartansoul or so it seems to me. How can it be? Can the heartansoul restore the mind? A trivia question perhaps, as no one really knows. I would hope the spiritual mind still exists but can't work through the decay in the brain. 

       Leave it at that, boy. The spiritual, the heartansoulanmind, is not permanently located within physical properties. Your fondness for her is encased in your heart, should you later meet again initial friendship should entail. With that, let the Dead go. - Amorella

       1127 hours. I like your thoughts, Amorella, and in this case, let them be mine also. Thank you for your kind words. 

       Post. - Amorella

      Mid-afternoon. You were going to say something here but forgot what it was; though the focus was on friendship. - Amorella

       1547 hours. "We made each other happy in our days at Otterbein." You brought it back. How did you do that? 

       The statement was not in your mind, boy; it is deep in your heart. - Amorella

       1552 hours. You provide me an ever-learning understanding of the heartansoulanmind. A proof, as it were, a plausibility of a continuation of friendship after life shown by this example in my own heart. At such a time a wisp of your angelic nature wafts through my head. If ever there was a subtle angelic encounter in my life, this is a live recording of it in real time. 
      
      Post.  - Amorella

       

Monday, April 1, 2019

81. Notes - thank you, Amorella


81. 1 April 2019

       Reading the Columbus Dispatch this morning you saw that Jean P.-S. died the 29th of March. You asked her to marry on Christmas vacation many years ago and she said to wait for her response. You drastically changed your mind a couple months later after realizing you weren't really mature enough for marriage at that time.

       No regrets but the stupid arrogance and impoliteness on my part. Jeanie was always smarter, wiser and much more community service oriented. In 2014, Sandy J-Z, a dear friend of hers mentioned her to me via Facebook. I humbly apologized for my childish actions. Sandy relayed that I had been forgiven. I felt relieved, but still feel foolish and very selfish and childish in those actions of mine so long ago. Still, the once strong friendship and dear friendship weighs on my heart. I am sorry she has passed. May she rest in peace. 

       Jean had a good life marrying another, having and raising two children and in teaching professionally. She would want you to rest in peace too. Post. - Amorella

      1303 hours. Thank you for the thought, Amorella.