129. 22 May 2019
Late morning. You had breakfast with Kim and Paul at Scrambler Marie's on Sancus Blvd. near Polaris Parkway. Friday, they leave for the Alabama shoreline via Montgomery to see the new Civil Rights Museum; a place Owen suggested visiting along the way. - Amorella
1147 hours. I am so pleased with Owen for suggesting this museum side trip on his own. He saw it on an evening news program and became interested.
Mid-afternoon. You are sitting in the shade facing west while Carol is on her walk at Heritage Park. You stopped at Honda to have a master key replaced on the '05 Honda; found you needed an appointment and that it would be about one-hundred and fifty dollars to replace. The tile battery is gone, but Tile says the old key is in the house. What do you think? - Amorella
1437 hours. I'm angry at myself for losing the key. I have lost two master keys already, one for each car and it seems a fortune to replace them. The tile battery died chirping away when we couldn't hear it chirping. In younger days I would have been really angry. Today, life is too short. If we don't find it this weekend we'll make an appointment Monday; here is no opening for a couple of weeks anyway. He could possibly do it tomorrow, but we need the Toyota to turn in. Such is life. -- The grass and leaves are green and there are lots of colorful wildflowers out. The day is humid but lightly clouded. Nice afternoon, and Carol just returned from her walk. Rules, Guidance and Ethics . . . two more categories to go. -- I sit here trying to conjure up at least one like category by inference. -- I tried Google and got nothing but a list on ethics. This was surely on the old Miller Analogy Test that I passed (saints be praised).
Which saints, orndorff? - Amorella
1452 hours. I 'knew' better than to write down my first thoughts. Saint Peter is the only one that comes to mind at the moment. Then there is the golf saint. That's it. That test and Dr. John Coulter got me into graduate school on a 'conditional'. It was either Bowling Green State or Zavier in Cincinnati. I think I had a 2.3 average at Otterbein and it took me six plus years to earn the B. S. in Ed. Plus I earned a C in student teaching (English) at Olentangy High School in Delaware County, Ohio and was told by the master teacher that I should do something else with my life. I know I'm not the brightest match in the box. It was by Grace that I even got through high school. Mom and Dad talked up Trade School at Columbus Central the end of my sophomore year. I didn't want to leave my friends though. I liked electricity and radio electronics at the time. D's in Latin second year didn't help. I struggled to be an average student. I shake my head even today when I think about it. I taught two college prep levels, honors and/or AP British literature and/or World literature and Composition for at least 35 years. I was mostly considered successful by my peers over those years. I had a lot of fun classroom teaching. Who to better teach than young adults? No one in my book.
You have nothing left to say. mh
Post. - Amorella
1754 hours. All I did was talk about myself. Not a good sign.
At least you didn't apologize for it like you have been known to do.
1756 hours. I talk mostly to myself anyway. No one has to read it but I am bound by Grace to share. I cannot remain honest to myself otherwise.
How can you be bound by Grace and be Orndorff the Agnostic? mh
2241 hours. I can be both. I am both. I am a human being with a heartansoulanmind. My spirit defies this earthly reality I live in. This is not an excuse, this is as I am.
That was quick and to the point. mh
2245 hours. I am surprised too. The several times earlier in my life when I 'felt' an Angel of G-D was unseen but sensed in the room to remain honest in the moment, in case it was real and not a hallucination I had to defy myself. I have no regrets for this very private action and nearly forgot event. By necessity I had no choice to defy myself because if the event were real (which it could have been because though I were /am an agnostic and statistically it would be nearly impossible to say to my deepest self it is impossible an Angel of G-D would be next to me for some unknown reason, I could not and would not deny G-D or an Angel of G-D could be. It would be blasphemy for me to say G-D was impossible. I would not and cannot to this day do or say G-D is impossible. I am an agnostic in the truest sense, I doubt still, but never an agnostic I be. I know nothing of what reality, spiritual otherwise really is. It appears it is not in our sphere to know. The reality I know to survive is not based on faith; it is based on knowledge of the world and science. I have faith for my fellow man and love for my friends and family. I do not need faith in G-D when I have seen and felt with my own eyes and mind that I may have witnessed an Angel. I know what I felt and I know what I may have imagined was more real than I was. I could have been in some sort of epileptic fit. I was not on alcohol or drugs. I sensed myself raw and naked spiritually, heart and soul and mind. I would not change a word if before G-D I stood/stand, defiant and fully human. I am who I am, an agnostic and honest and real even if I am only spirit alone. (2315) Wow, where did that twenty-nine minutes go? This took less than a minute to say. I am not even embarrassed by the moment.
Orndorff, you are an extremely arrogant man. - Amorella
2319 hours. I am spiritually arrogant and defiant. I am also free to be arrogant and defiant. I have nothing else to say on the subject.
Post. - Amorella
2322 hours. Here I am once again spending my time on myself. What I say here, tonight, it what I feel is true for every human being fully conscious and living. Standing before G-D or an Angel of G-D what would you say, what of your own honest heart and mind and soul? I think plenty of others spiritually naked would have no choice but to stand in defiance of what is and still say, "I am real enough. My human spirit is real enough, but next to an Angel of G-D or G-D I am as Nothing. I would deny myself first out of Respect for G-D and second out of respect for myself. (2332) Will I never stop? You touched a nerve, Miss Havisham, a mighty deep nerve.
You spoke this with heartansoulanmind. mh
2342 hours. I don't care if it is spiritual anger or not. I don't know if it needs to flow or not. I do not know if it will end or not. I don't care. I spoke the truth in the moment, my truth, not yours, Amorella.
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